last year this day, you knelt before me asking the question that would potentially impact the rest of our lives. overwhelmed i may be, the decision then wasn't a hasty or immature one. it was a moment of truth, and there is a beauty within it.

i was tossing and turning in bed. it's becoming impossible to sleep. my overactive tears glands hit me really hard. i counted from one to ten. if anyone ever tell you that your rational brain can overcome your emotional self by doing that, he lied.

"he will be back for you!"

"it hurts him more to see you like that..

"he really loves you.. you know it!"

3 weeks to go. i feel nothing but helpless. if there's something i can do, it would be to watch time pass by till the day i had to watch him turn his back on me and no amount of tears would suffice by then. but i still owe him plenty of smiles, and i've got to repay him before it's all too late. please let me be strong.. this is the only thing i can do.. for him.

i love you.